Hurting

I knew when I began to pray recently for a specific thing what that meant. I knew what I would have to go through, what I would experience, the pain I would feel. Well here I am....

For awhile now I have been praying that God would help me to be others-minded. That I would focus on what my reaction to them was teaching them rather than focusing on what they were doing to me.

Just recently, I asked God to help me walk in love. I already know that this year (me being 33) is a year of me dying to myself. It has not been easy by any means. I am rather frustrated with the whole aspect of being able to have control over it and then something happening and it seems like I am back to square 1. Sometimes even worse because not only am I back to where I started, but then the struggle is harder due to discouragement, etc.

Anyway, everything revolves around love. Scripture tells us that we can have all kinds on things and yet if we have not love we have nothing (1 Corinthians 13). God is love. The ultimate for me is to walk in love. That is the foundation for everything else. It ALL starts with love, just like Jesus going to the cross for us.

Well, in order to learn to walk in love, one must go through some stuff. The true indication of someone's ability to walk in love is by dealing with people that don't deserve it. It's to have people hurt you, wrong you, abuse you, mistreat you, neglect you, etc and still extend the love of the Father. I WANT THAT! I don't want to get all shut off/shut down when people reject, misuse, neglect, mistreat me, so I have been asking God to help me do that.

IT HURTS! I have had many a thing happen today that is giving (or has given) me the opportunity to react out of my emotion or out of love. The thing is that one of the keys to learning to act out of love, is learning to manage that pain. It's not that the pain isn't there, one must learn how to handle it. Today, and the next few days, are definitely opportunities for growth for me. It's all based on how I handle it. Please help me Lord. I can not do this on my own.