A few days ago, I e-mailed a group of friends about what was going on concerning my brother. Monday, Sarah, one of the ladies, responded and included the scripture Jeremiah 29:11. I had been dealing with some issues and that scripture spoke encouragement to me about my situation. It wasn't until latter that night that I caught the true awesomeness of it all. As I was reading the email to my mom, I was reminded of something she had shared with me before he got locked up.
My mom had been at my house babysitting Dylan not too long after she found out that he was going to be going to prison. That night when she told me about it, she shared how God had encouraged her.
She had been sitting at my computer and her eyes fell on one of the message cards I have sitting there . It is a cross with a scripture written on it. The verse, of course, is Jeremiah 29:11! I did not catch it that Sarah had written the very same verse in response to my praise/prayer for my brother as God had used to encourage my mom. She had no idea about the verse with my mother. God never ceases to amaze me. He is so awesome!
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Monday, November 23, 2009
Hurting
I knew when I began to pray recently for a specific thing what that meant. I knew what I would have to go through, what I would experience, the pain I would feel. Well here I am....
For awhile now I have been praying that God would help me to be others-minded. That I would focus on what my reaction to them was teaching them rather than focusing on what they were doing to me.
Just recently, I asked God to help me walk in love. I already know that this year (me being 33) is a year of me dying to myself. It has not been easy by any means. I am rather frustrated with the whole aspect of being able to have control over it and then something happening and it seems like I am back to square 1. Sometimes even worse because not only am I back to where I started, but then the struggle is harder due to discouragement, etc.
Anyway, everything revolves around love. Scripture tells us that we can have all kinds on things and yet if we have not love we have nothing (1 Corinthians 13). God is love. The ultimate for me is to walk in love. That is the foundation for everything else. It ALL starts with love, just like Jesus going to the cross for us.
Well, in order to learn to walk in love, one must go through some stuff. The true indication of someone's ability to walk in love is by dealing with people that don't deserve it. It's to have people hurt you, wrong you, abuse you, mistreat you, neglect you, etc and still extend the love of the Father. I WANT THAT! I don't want to get all shut off/shut down when people reject, misuse, neglect, mistreat me, so I have been asking God to help me do that.
IT HURTS! I have had many a thing happen today that is giving (or has given) me the opportunity to react out of my emotion or out of love. The thing is that one of the keys to learning to act out of love, is learning to manage that pain. It's not that the pain isn't there, one must learn how to handle it. Today, and the next few days, are definitely opportunities for growth for me. It's all based on how I handle it. Please help me Lord. I can not do this on my own.
For awhile now I have been praying that God would help me to be others-minded. That I would focus on what my reaction to them was teaching them rather than focusing on what they were doing to me.
Just recently, I asked God to help me walk in love. I already know that this year (me being 33) is a year of me dying to myself. It has not been easy by any means. I am rather frustrated with the whole aspect of being able to have control over it and then something happening and it seems like I am back to square 1. Sometimes even worse because not only am I back to where I started, but then the struggle is harder due to discouragement, etc.
Anyway, everything revolves around love. Scripture tells us that we can have all kinds on things and yet if we have not love we have nothing (1 Corinthians 13). God is love. The ultimate for me is to walk in love. That is the foundation for everything else. It ALL starts with love, just like Jesus going to the cross for us.
Well, in order to learn to walk in love, one must go through some stuff. The true indication of someone's ability to walk in love is by dealing with people that don't deserve it. It's to have people hurt you, wrong you, abuse you, mistreat you, neglect you, etc and still extend the love of the Father. I WANT THAT! I don't want to get all shut off/shut down when people reject, misuse, neglect, mistreat me, so I have been asking God to help me do that.
IT HURTS! I have had many a thing happen today that is giving (or has given) me the opportunity to react out of my emotion or out of love. The thing is that one of the keys to learning to act out of love, is learning to manage that pain. It's not that the pain isn't there, one must learn how to handle it. Today, and the next few days, are definitely opportunities for growth for me. It's all based on how I handle it. Please help me Lord. I can not do this on my own.
Sunday, November 22, 2009
God is amazing
In the middle of September, my mom informed me that my brother's probation officer had classified him as having violating his probation. They were planning on sending him to prison... for 3 1/2 years. I began praying that God's will would be done in his life. He went to court September 24th and took a "pre-dated"blind plea for 3 years. They wanted to take him right away, but he talked them into postponing it till October 15th. The terms were pretty much set, but they gave him 3 weeks before he's actually be sentenced. The anniversary of our dad's death was on September 27th. We had plans to all go out to eat (my mom and us siblings) since it was the 7 year anniversary and we hadn't done it in a few years. My mom was concerned that Teague ( the only boy) wasn't going to be able to be there.
Then on October 15th when Teague got sentenced, my mom saw a familiar face and heard a familiar name get called. It was my ex from over 10 years ago. Upon investigation, I discovered that he was in for robbing a gas station. I felt the Lord prompt me to write him. I am A LOT different now than when I knew him. I wrote to him about the change that God had made in my life since I came to know Him. I told him that I hope he finds the freedom in Christ that I have found. I'm not sure if he received the letter yet due to some circumstances, but I should find out soon.
My mom had told me about something concerning my brother when he was about to and did get locked up. He has spoken about God again including about praying and God answering/blessing him. The cool thing is that on 11/18, I wrote a letter to him and some very deep emotional things came out and I was sure why. I just knew that it was God led and that it needed to be written for whatever reason. Well tonight I got my first letter from him and it was dated, you guessed it, 11/18. He mentioned that he ran into my ex when they got shipped to Stateville for intake. Small world. I guess he told my brother that my mom is cool and he'd appreciate it if she wrote to him. Ha! God works in mysterious ways! He also mentioned some awesome stuff about God including that he has "accepted God back into my life and am now seeing things clearly for the first time in a long time." He also mentioned some other stuff that fits right along with the stuff I was writing him on that day. Wow! God is soooo amazing!
Then on October 15th when Teague got sentenced, my mom saw a familiar face and heard a familiar name get called. It was my ex from over 10 years ago. Upon investigation, I discovered that he was in for robbing a gas station. I felt the Lord prompt me to write him. I am A LOT different now than when I knew him. I wrote to him about the change that God had made in my life since I came to know Him. I told him that I hope he finds the freedom in Christ that I have found. I'm not sure if he received the letter yet due to some circumstances, but I should find out soon.
My mom had told me about something concerning my brother when he was about to and did get locked up. He has spoken about God again including about praying and God answering/blessing him. The cool thing is that on 11/18, I wrote a letter to him and some very deep emotional things came out and I was sure why. I just knew that it was God led and that it needed to be written for whatever reason. Well tonight I got my first letter from him and it was dated, you guessed it, 11/18. He mentioned that he ran into my ex when they got shipped to Stateville for intake. Small world. I guess he told my brother that my mom is cool and he'd appreciate it if she wrote to him. Ha! God works in mysterious ways! He also mentioned some awesome stuff about God including that he has "accepted God back into my life and am now seeing things clearly for the first time in a long time." He also mentioned some other stuff that fits right along with the stuff I was writing him on that day. Wow! God is soooo amazing!
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Amazing
God never seizes to amaze me. Whether it be a song, a scripture, a word from a friend, the way that God speaks to me in times of trouble amazes me.
Tonight I was having a VERY rough time with Dylan and I snapped. A minute later, I hear this come from the radio:
Father, let the world just fade away
Let me feel your presence in this place
Lord, I've never been so weary
How I need to know you're near me
Father, let the world just fade away
Till I'm on my knees
Till my heart can sing
He is
He was
He always will be
Even when it feels like there is no one holding me
Be still, my soul
He is
Father, let your Holy Spirit sing
Let it calm the storm inside of me
As I stand amazed
Lift my hands and say
[ Find more Lyrics on www.mp3lyrics.org/hk2h ]
He is
He was
He always will be
He lives
He loves
he's always with me
Even when it feels like there is no one holding me
Be still, my soul
Through every fear
And every doubt
And every tear I shed
Down every road
I'm not alone
No matter where I am
He is
He was
And He always will be
He lives
He loves
he's always with me
Even when it feels like there is no one holding me
Be still, my soul
Be still, and know
Be still, my soul
He is
The song is "He is" by Mark Schultz and I have grown rather fond of it.
Then shortly after that they read the word of the day; Proverbs 17:22 "A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones." I can understand that all too well. I immediately thought of writing it on a note card and having Dylan and I memorize it.
Tonight when I grabbed by Bible to look up the Proverbs verse, there was a blue tab towards the back. I decided to see what was being marked and what I came across made my heart stop. The only thing underlined is Ephesians 3:13 which says "Therefore I ask that you do not lose heart at my tribulations for you, which is your glory." Wow! Absolutely amazing! My heart literally stopped when I read that. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. It was undeniable that God was speaking directly to me and He was speaking loud and clear.
I have been feeling very overwhelmed lately with life and in particular my son's attitude. Earlier in the evening before I snapped I was literally crying out to God asking Him what am I suppose to do with my son. A person can only take so much attitude and I am trying very hard to get him to make better choices for his own sake.
Lately my life has been very overwhelming and I find myself very easily irritated, angered, frustrated, etc. God's prescription to me is to be cheerful or at the very least surround myself with people who are that it may lift me up and, more importantly I think, not to lose heart. In order to do that I must get my eyes off me and my circumstance and keep them on Him.
Tonight I was having a VERY rough time with Dylan and I snapped. A minute later, I hear this come from the radio:
Father, let the world just fade away
Let me feel your presence in this place
Lord, I've never been so weary
How I need to know you're near me
Father, let the world just fade away
Till I'm on my knees
Till my heart can sing
He is
He was
He always will be
Even when it feels like there is no one holding me
Be still, my soul
He is
Father, let your Holy Spirit sing
Let it calm the storm inside of me
As I stand amazed
Lift my hands and say
[ Find more Lyrics on www.mp3lyrics.org/hk2h ]
He is
He was
He always will be
He lives
He loves
he's always with me
Even when it feels like there is no one holding me
Be still, my soul
Through every fear
And every doubt
And every tear I shed
Down every road
I'm not alone
No matter where I am
He is
He was
And He always will be
He lives
He loves
he's always with me
Even when it feels like there is no one holding me
Be still, my soul
Be still, and know
Be still, my soul
He is
The song is "He is" by Mark Schultz and I have grown rather fond of it.
Then shortly after that they read the word of the day; Proverbs 17:22 "A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones." I can understand that all too well. I immediately thought of writing it on a note card and having Dylan and I memorize it.
Tonight when I grabbed by Bible to look up the Proverbs verse, there was a blue tab towards the back. I decided to see what was being marked and what I came across made my heart stop. The only thing underlined is Ephesians 3:13 which says "Therefore I ask that you do not lose heart at my tribulations for you, which is your glory." Wow! Absolutely amazing! My heart literally stopped when I read that. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. It was undeniable that God was speaking directly to me and He was speaking loud and clear.
I have been feeling very overwhelmed lately with life and in particular my son's attitude. Earlier in the evening before I snapped I was literally crying out to God asking Him what am I suppose to do with my son. A person can only take so much attitude and I am trying very hard to get him to make better choices for his own sake.
Lately my life has been very overwhelming and I find myself very easily irritated, angered, frustrated, etc. God's prescription to me is to be cheerful or at the very least surround myself with people who are that it may lift me up and, more importantly I think, not to lose heart. In order to do that I must get my eyes off me and my circumstance and keep them on Him.
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
I wish I knew
My heart is heavy with wonder/concern over the fate of some people I knew growing up. The family consisted of a man, a woman, their 3 little girls and his son from a previous marriage. The man had another son (the boy's brother), but he did not live with them.
Quite a few years ago, when the girls were probably between the ages of 4-8, the woman went to jail for a little while and that was hard on the family. Then 6 years after that, not only did mom go to prison, but dad did too. Their sentences were so long that I am sure they put them up for adoption. The son by then was an adult, but I don't know what happened to him. I found someone on FB that looks like it could be him, but 1) I am not sure it is him and 2) if it is I am not sure he will admit it/acknowledge me. I haven't seen or talked to him since before the stuff happened with his dad. Not sure if I would be a bad reminder since I was "friends" with his dad and step-mom.
I wonder what happened to the three girls too. They had a pretty rough go at it with their biological parents. I hope they found a family that loved them and treated them right. I can't believe that they would be adults by now. That just blows my mind! The last time I seen them would have been about 3 or 4 years before their parents got taken away. It had been awhile since I had seen them last and although the oldest remembered me, the youngest 2 did not.
I would really love to find out what happened to these girls/guy. I hope God helps me find them.
Quite a few years ago, when the girls were probably between the ages of 4-8, the woman went to jail for a little while and that was hard on the family. Then 6 years after that, not only did mom go to prison, but dad did too. Their sentences were so long that I am sure they put them up for adoption. The son by then was an adult, but I don't know what happened to him. I found someone on FB that looks like it could be him, but 1) I am not sure it is him and 2) if it is I am not sure he will admit it/acknowledge me. I haven't seen or talked to him since before the stuff happened with his dad. Not sure if I would be a bad reminder since I was "friends" with his dad and step-mom.
I wonder what happened to the three girls too. They had a pretty rough go at it with their biological parents. I hope they found a family that loved them and treated them right. I can't believe that they would be adults by now. That just blows my mind! The last time I seen them would have been about 3 or 4 years before their parents got taken away. It had been awhile since I had seen them last and although the oldest remembered me, the youngest 2 did not.
I would really love to find out what happened to these girls/guy. I hope God helps me find them.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
I almost forgot...
Earlier I read the devotional for Proverbs31.org and this is what I commented:
Although Proverbs 31 website is my homepage and I get your e-mails everyday, I don't read it consistently. As a matter of fact, I go more days without reading it than days that I do. Today though, for some reason, I didn't get the email and I noticed it. I went to the website to see if maybe it hadn't been put up yet and it had. I decided while I was there, I would go ahead and read it. Of course, as only God can do, it was what I needed to hear. It spoke to me on multiple levels especially the prayer. I couldn't have written it more perfectly myself.
The prayer is:
Father, Your daughter longs to be with You. Remind me of Your constant presence. May I seize opportunities to enjoy You throughout my day. In Jesus' Name, Amen.
http://proverbs31devotions.blogspot.com/
Earlier I read the devotional for Proverbs31.org and this is what I commented:
Although Proverbs 31 website is my homepage and I get your e-mails everyday, I don't read it consistently. As a matter of fact, I go more days without reading it than days that I do. Today though, for some reason, I didn't get the email and I noticed it. I went to the website to see if maybe it hadn't been put up yet and it had. I decided while I was there, I would go ahead and read it. Of course, as only God can do, it was what I needed to hear. It spoke to me on multiple levels especially the prayer. I couldn't have written it more perfectly myself.
The prayer is:
Father, Your daughter longs to be with You. Remind me of Your constant presence. May I seize opportunities to enjoy You throughout my day. In Jesus' Name, Amen.
http://proverbs31devotions.blogspot.com/
Oh My!
I really wish I could keep up with this more regularly. I think it would prove to be ____ now and ____ down the road. God is good and it is essential to remember what He has done.
It has been a challenging last few days at our house. Dylan's teacher told me awhile ago (can't quite remember when) that he was on a downward spiral; that he was heading into his depressed mode. The impact of his negativity, back talking, arguing, blaming, etc had begun to take it's toll on me. Finally tonight I was really getting to the point where I'd had it. All of a sudden, Dylan had done something and instead of me snapping or yelling at him or even getting upset with him, I had a light bulb moment. Instantly, it occurred to me that Dylan was operating out of depression and I was able to calmly and lovingly talk to him about it. What normally would have ended with me yelling at Dylan and/or sending him to his room and him crying over that, ended with us talking, hugging, and Dylan crying in a healing/healthy way. I have prayed for awhile that God would make me others minded; that He would help me to focus on how my reaction effects the other person instead of focusing on what that person is doing to me. I have also been praying that He would teach me His ways. Tonight, my ability to deal with Dylan in that matter was an answer to those prayers. I was also able to tell Dylan that he needs to give his problems to God rather than lashing out at me.
I can't really explain it any better than that. I know that there are many things that I understand in my head, but it is a whole other ball game when I experience it. That is what happened today and I hope it sticks. Dylan deserves a palm tree with feathers (will explain another day)
It has been a challenging last few days at our house. Dylan's teacher told me awhile ago (can't quite remember when) that he was on a downward spiral; that he was heading into his depressed mode. The impact of his negativity, back talking, arguing, blaming, etc had begun to take it's toll on me. Finally tonight I was really getting to the point where I'd had it. All of a sudden, Dylan had done something and instead of me snapping or yelling at him or even getting upset with him, I had a light bulb moment. Instantly, it occurred to me that Dylan was operating out of depression and I was able to calmly and lovingly talk to him about it. What normally would have ended with me yelling at Dylan and/or sending him to his room and him crying over that, ended with us talking, hugging, and Dylan crying in a healing/healthy way. I have prayed for awhile that God would make me others minded; that He would help me to focus on how my reaction effects the other person instead of focusing on what that person is doing to me. I have also been praying that He would teach me His ways. Tonight, my ability to deal with Dylan in that matter was an answer to those prayers. I was also able to tell Dylan that he needs to give his problems to God rather than lashing out at me.
I can't really explain it any better than that. I know that there are many things that I understand in my head, but it is a whole other ball game when I experience it. That is what happened today and I hope it sticks. Dylan deserves a palm tree with feathers (will explain another day)
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