Wow, God!

I sit here absolutely immersed in the love of God . God shows up in the most remarkable ways and half of the time I'm not even expecting it. I have had some pretty amazing conversations with very unlikely people the last couple of days and through those conversations, amazing things have happened.

A little while ago, I was focusing on the love of the Father and trying to do what I need to get done for today (later when I get up). All of a sudden I heard birds singing. This is quit amazing for numerous reasons. First, it was 3:30 in the morning and I don't know that birds normally sing at that time in the a.m. (I went back over to the window around 4:00 and didn't hear them singing anymore). Secondly, I was going to listen to my MP3 player at first when I started to do my list of stuff for tomorrow to help me stay focused on God, but decided that I wanted to wait until I was laying down so I could focus on the song better. Finally, Dylan's window was open. If it had been closed, I wouldn't have heard them. I also could have not been aware of them even being there (tuned them out unintentionally).

Immediately, when I recognized what was taking place, I felt like God was talking to me. Again reminding me of how much He loves me. I walked over to the window and just listened, drinking in the love of the Lord.

As I am writing this, the Lord brought to my memory an incident that occurred earlier today (well actually yesterday now).
This afternoon, my son and I were at the library. I was looking for movies and he was doing his own thing; periodically coming to talk to me. While looking at the movies, I came across an inappropriate one, and another, and another. Every so often, there would be one that was appropriate. That got me thinking/questioning about being able to focus on the good and not bad.

First, I need to back up a second. I often struggle because I see so much crap in this world. The Bible tells us it's only going to get worse. I asked my mom how one does not get overwhelmed or feel weary/hopeless/helpless/depressed/etc. when the world is the way it is. She asked me where my focus is.

Back to today (yesterday). I'm standing there looking at these movies and I'm not liking what I see. I ask God how do I deal with this? My mom's words came to mind: focus on the ones that are appropriate. It also occurred to me as to how it could relate to other things in my life. I can't explain it in words to the same extent that I understood it in my head, but the gist of it was that I could find a appropriate movie and focus on that one until I see another appropriate movie to focus on. It was a matter of choosing to disregard the negative and purposefully choosing to focus on the positive. It's not that they're not both there; it just what I choose to focus on.

This whole thought process occurred in a very short period of time. While this was coming to me I hear someone say "Excuse miss." "Yes" I reply. "Is that your son?" she asked. "Yes." I don't remember exactly what all she said, but the woman went on to tell me what a great kid I have. She explained that she was in line to check something out and he walked up in front of her. Shortly after he turned his head and noticed her standing there, so he asked if she was in line. She told him yes and he apologized and got behind her. She said that he was very observate and that most kids don't even pay attention. She said some more nice things about him and about me as his mother and I said thank you.

I have had many problems with my son and at times have become very discouraged. There have been periods of times where the good times were few and far in between. God was telling me the same thing concerning him. A few minutes later, I went to check out a book and the lady that helped me was praising on him as well. It was great.

The truth of the matter is that our perspective is very important. The way we see things affects our attitude and the way we deal with it. We can almost always find good, no matter how small, and choose to hang on to that. As Brandon Heath says, "Give me your eyes for just one second. Give me your eyes so I can see everything I keep missing. Give me your love for humanity."

Try Again

Well yesterday I died pretty well to myself and spent the time with God I needed. It was a wonderful morning. As my day wore on, however, and especially when my son got home, my staying on task didn't go too well. Obviously, indicated by the time this is being written, I'm not doing so well tonight.

Part of that is due to cause and effect. I didn't get done what I needed to earlier so it caused me to have to stay up later. Unfortunately, a lot of times our decisions don't just effect one thing, one area, or one person. Usually it is multi-faceted. Yeah, I wonder how good I am going to be at helping my son get ready for school in the morning. 7:30 comes real early when it's already almost 3:00. But from the words of one of my friends, "Dust yourself off and try again." (that's actually lyrics from a song).

We need to set goals so that we have something we're working towards, but we also need to be able to run to Abba Father when we fail. We need to confess our wrongdoings, ask Him to forgive us and help us to do better next time. Then trust that He will.

Wow!

What a morning this has been! I have had a wonderful morning of praying, reading, and worshipping. It has been amazing! God has reminded me of just how much I need Him. I need His wisdom, direction, and leading in all things. Isaiah 55:8 says "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,"declares the LORD. His thoughts are perfect. Mine are not. His ways are perfect. Mine are not. However, the more I read His word and spend time in His presences, the more my thoughts and my ways will become like His.

Still Pressing On

Well that night I did well with going to bed, but the next night... not so well. Here I am almost 3 weeks later and I still haven't got it down yet. Some days I do better than others but most I don't do so well. "All it takes" is for me to let things go and just go to bed when I need to and yet... I say all it takes sarcastically because although it seems like an easy task, it really isn't. The thing is it's what I NEED to do. I really need to learn to manage my time better (which would also help with the bed time thing).

A big part of managing my time better is setting and keeping boundaries and learning to die to my flesh (which in order to do the first I must do the second). Neither of which are easy to do. Hopefully by the end of the Boundaries study I'll be a lot better at it. The problem is that it's easier when you're going up against someone else rather than yourself. It falls back to dying to yourself: doing what is right in spite of what is _______. You fill in the blank. I'm going to bed. (Probably not really. There's too much I still want to get done. When does it ever end? Oh yeah, when I decide to take action and die well. Lord help!)