Here we go already...

I should have been in bed hours ago and yet I am not. In part due to setting this things up. God had spoken to me quite awhile ago about going to bed at a certain time for many reasons. I understand why and agree. Yet I struggle night after night trying to make myself go to bed!

Just recently I started going to a small group that is doing the book "Boundaries." I joined that particular group because I felt that that's where God wanted me although I wasn't quite sure why. I'm definitely no genius when it comes to boundaries, but I'm no dummy either. I knew if He had me in there, there was something He wanted me to get out of it. I had no idea what I was getting into. By the end of the first meeting, God revealed the answer to me.

My probably with boundaries was with myself. I struggle with giving myself boundaries and sticking to them. It's hard being on both sides of the fence at the same time. For instances, I told myself both last night and tonight that I was not going to go to bed late. I really need to be in bed by around 11:00 p.m.. Last night I went to sleep around 2:00 a.m. and "tonight" it's already 4:00 a.m. and I'm doing this (which at this point in time I feel like I need to, but getting to this point not so much). Part of me wants to do what I need to and go to bed and the other (stronger at this time, but not for long) part wants to stay up and do other stuff.

I once heard a teaching that you'll either have the pain of self-discipline or the pain of regret. I have since discovered that since we are usually pain avoidance creatures, we will go with which ever one is less painful. Therefore, until the pain of regret is greater than the pain of self-discipline, we will continue to make poor choices.

One thing I'm kinda confused about though is where God fits in. I know that He helps us to have self-control, but also I feel that our love for Him should also be a factor. Just not exactly sure how at this hour. I'll have a better idea after a good mornings rest.

I know that in order to be the person God created me to be and to be a vessel that He can use, I've GOT to learn self-control. Die well! I also know that it is going to take God to help me because I can't do it on my own.