I almost forgot...
Earlier I read the devotional for Proverbs31.org and this is what I commented:
Although Proverbs 31 website is my homepage and I get your e-mails everyday, I don't read it consistently. As a matter of fact, I go more days without reading it than days that I do. Today though, for some reason, I didn't get the email and I noticed it. I went to the website to see if maybe it hadn't been put up yet and it had. I decided while I was there, I would go ahead and read it. Of course, as only God can do, it was what I needed to hear. It spoke to me on multiple levels especially the prayer. I couldn't have written it more perfectly myself.
The prayer is:
Father, Your daughter longs to be with You. Remind me of Your constant presence. May I seize opportunities to enjoy You throughout my day. In Jesus' Name, Amen.
http://proverbs31devotions.blogspot.com/
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Oh My!
I really wish I could keep up with this more regularly. I think it would prove to be ____ now and ____ down the road. God is good and it is essential to remember what He has done.
It has been a challenging last few days at our house. Dylan's teacher told me awhile ago (can't quite remember when) that he was on a downward spiral; that he was heading into his depressed mode. The impact of his negativity, back talking, arguing, blaming, etc had begun to take it's toll on me. Finally tonight I was really getting to the point where I'd had it. All of a sudden, Dylan had done something and instead of me snapping or yelling at him or even getting upset with him, I had a light bulb moment. Instantly, it occurred to me that Dylan was operating out of depression and I was able to calmly and lovingly talk to him about it. What normally would have ended with me yelling at Dylan and/or sending him to his room and him crying over that, ended with us talking, hugging, and Dylan crying in a healing/healthy way. I have prayed for awhile that God would make me others minded; that He would help me to focus on how my reaction effects the other person instead of focusing on what that person is doing to me. I have also been praying that He would teach me His ways. Tonight, my ability to deal with Dylan in that matter was an answer to those prayers. I was also able to tell Dylan that he needs to give his problems to God rather than lashing out at me.
I can't really explain it any better than that. I know that there are many things that I understand in my head, but it is a whole other ball game when I experience it. That is what happened today and I hope it sticks. Dylan deserves a palm tree with feathers (will explain another day)
It has been a challenging last few days at our house. Dylan's teacher told me awhile ago (can't quite remember when) that he was on a downward spiral; that he was heading into his depressed mode. The impact of his negativity, back talking, arguing, blaming, etc had begun to take it's toll on me. Finally tonight I was really getting to the point where I'd had it. All of a sudden, Dylan had done something and instead of me snapping or yelling at him or even getting upset with him, I had a light bulb moment. Instantly, it occurred to me that Dylan was operating out of depression and I was able to calmly and lovingly talk to him about it. What normally would have ended with me yelling at Dylan and/or sending him to his room and him crying over that, ended with us talking, hugging, and Dylan crying in a healing/healthy way. I have prayed for awhile that God would make me others minded; that He would help me to focus on how my reaction effects the other person instead of focusing on what that person is doing to me. I have also been praying that He would teach me His ways. Tonight, my ability to deal with Dylan in that matter was an answer to those prayers. I was also able to tell Dylan that he needs to give his problems to God rather than lashing out at me.
I can't really explain it any better than that. I know that there are many things that I understand in my head, but it is a whole other ball game when I experience it. That is what happened today and I hope it sticks. Dylan deserves a palm tree with feathers (will explain another day)
Saturday, September 26, 2009
Part 2
Well, I guess we'll see how many parts it'll take to get it all written. I only have a certain amount of time and I'm not sure that I'll remember it all in order either.
There has been time after time this past week or so where something would happen and it was a total godincidence. A song would play at just the right time or some other small event would take place.
Well, well, well. It is now November and I am just coming across this. Obviously (or maybe not so obviously) I have NO idea what I was going to write about here. :( Wish I knew
There has been time after time this past week or so where something would happen and it was a total godincidence. A song would play at just the right time or some other small event would take place.
Well, well, well. It is now November and I am just coming across this. Obviously (or maybe not so obviously) I have NO idea what I was going to write about here. :( Wish I knew
It's been a long time
Wow! I am not quite sure why it has been so long since I last wrote. A funny thing though is that the 3 month day since I last wrote will be the anniversary of my dad's death. It'll have been 7 years. I still miss him very much.
I must take a trip back into time to give some clarification. Growing up I had three "dads." I had a biological father, an adopted dad, and a step dad. To make it as brief as possible...I knew my adopted dad from the time I was 18 months old. He didn't actually adopt me till I was in 3rd grade and then about a year later, they divorced. My mom got back together with her high school sweetheart and he became my step dad. We got along real well for the first few years, but due to some circumstances we had a VERY rough time for quite a few years and I moved out asap. For quite awhile I had nothing to do with him and over time, God began to restore our relationship. God restored our relationship to the point that I started calling him dad for 2 years before he died. He thought the world of me as well. The amazing thing is that God restored my relationship with my biological father as well. He came back into my life about 7 or 8 years ago.
A lot has happened since the last time I wrote of course. Some I can remember some I can not (of course, right?). I went on vacation with my dad at the end of July. That was a lot of fun. Dylan stayed with his dad's mom and I got to have a break and have fun for a few days. It was really nice. We went to Branson, Mo which I haven't been to in years and the last time I had gone it wasn't exactly under pleasant terms. I hadn't been to Sliver Dollar City since I was a toddler. I also went back to school at the end of August. I only had 5 classes to complete my degree. I am taking 3 now and will take the last two in the spring and graduate in May. I ended up experiencing an awesome God moment with someone I used to go to school with. I went to the funeral of the guy who was dating my friend and the two of them introduced me to Dylan's dad. He was only 32. Sad. I went to the Brookfield Zoo with a Dylan, a friend, and her stepson for free (well except the gas to drive). I got tickets to the Dino Alive exhibit through a different friend and Twitter. Then when I invited Shelley and Jeramy to go with, I found out that she's a memeber at the zoo. :) It was awesome!
About a week ago was my birthday and God has been tremendously gracious with me. I have seen His hand over and over recently in ways that have just left me in awe. The funny thing is that the reason I was blogging tonight to begin with was to write about that; however, I felt like I needed to update first since it has been so long and now I am tired. I had fallen asleep next to Dylan and then woke up a little while ago. I have to be up in a few hours and I'd really like to spend some time with God before I go back to sleep. I guess I'll have to finish this later. Hopefully, I'll be able to get this. I have a lot to get done right now.
I must take a trip back into time to give some clarification. Growing up I had three "dads." I had a biological father, an adopted dad, and a step dad. To make it as brief as possible...I knew my adopted dad from the time I was 18 months old. He didn't actually adopt me till I was in 3rd grade and then about a year later, they divorced. My mom got back together with her high school sweetheart and he became my step dad. We got along real well for the first few years, but due to some circumstances we had a VERY rough time for quite a few years and I moved out asap. For quite awhile I had nothing to do with him and over time, God began to restore our relationship. God restored our relationship to the point that I started calling him dad for 2 years before he died. He thought the world of me as well. The amazing thing is that God restored my relationship with my biological father as well. He came back into my life about 7 or 8 years ago.
A lot has happened since the last time I wrote of course. Some I can remember some I can not (of course, right?). I went on vacation with my dad at the end of July. That was a lot of fun. Dylan stayed with his dad's mom and I got to have a break and have fun for a few days. It was really nice. We went to Branson, Mo which I haven't been to in years and the last time I had gone it wasn't exactly under pleasant terms. I hadn't been to Sliver Dollar City since I was a toddler. I also went back to school at the end of August. I only had 5 classes to complete my degree. I am taking 3 now and will take the last two in the spring and graduate in May. I ended up experiencing an awesome God moment with someone I used to go to school with. I went to the funeral of the guy who was dating my friend and the two of them introduced me to Dylan's dad. He was only 32. Sad. I went to the Brookfield Zoo with a Dylan, a friend, and her stepson for free (well except the gas to drive). I got tickets to the Dino Alive exhibit through a different friend and Twitter. Then when I invited Shelley and Jeramy to go with, I found out that she's a memeber at the zoo. :) It was awesome!
About a week ago was my birthday and God has been tremendously gracious with me. I have seen His hand over and over recently in ways that have just left me in awe. The funny thing is that the reason I was blogging tonight to begin with was to write about that; however, I felt like I needed to update first since it has been so long and now I am tired. I had fallen asleep next to Dylan and then woke up a little while ago. I have to be up in a few hours and I'd really like to spend some time with God before I go back to sleep. I guess I'll have to finish this later. Hopefully, I'll be able to get this. I have a lot to get done right now.
Saturday, June 27, 2009
I Just Don't Get It
I probably never will for that matter. Some time ago my son was in a recital because he had been taking drum lessons. When the time came for him to play, he broke down and wouldn't play. A gentleman came up to him afterwards and talked to him. He asked my son if he likes the drum. When I told him that he loves the drums, he asked if we wanted to go to the Drum Corps that comes to North Central College in Naperville. I told him sure and he informed me that the event was June 20th and he leave the tickets at the place that was putting on the recital (which is where his wife worked). Oh no! My sisters graduation party was that day at 4:00. I just hoped that they wouldn't be at the same time. A few weeks later, I called the office about the tickets and they put me through to his wife. I asked her what time the show was and she told me that it started at 7:00. I explained that I wouldn't be able to attend since the 20th is the day of my sister's graduation party. She informed me that it wasn't on the 20th, but the 27th. Awesome! That works.
So on to today...
We have been looking forward to this for awhile now, not even knowing what it really was. We got there and there were ppl everywhere. You could only park on one side of the street and there were cars galore. I didn't realize it is as big as is it. We had to park at least 7 blocks from the event. It was a nice outside though and Dylan and I enjoyed our walk. We managed to find our way to the event by follow the flow of traffic. I had an extra seat and so I gave it to the ticket people to sell if they could since we didn't need it. It appeared to me that a gentleman in line bought that ticket. A few minutes after we sat down, there was a situation where some people didn't have there seats because a couple was not were they belonged. At one point, they attempted to sit in the one seat that was next to me. I told them that someone was sitting there. They went to look for somewhere else to sit. That gentleman never came, so I think maybe he bought a different ticket. But what a Godsend that was.
A few minutes later they announced that there was a storm coming through and we would move to the shelters till it brushed over and then resume. I prayed that the storm would go around us and that ppl would know that it was God's doing. The first act went and they were pretty good. After they were down, the gentleman announced that the storm may just skip us. I told Dylan that I had prayed that the storm would go around us. The next act went and they were HORRIBLE and that's being nice. My biggest complaints about them were that during one of their songs the girls in the flag corps were doing sexual moves (even my son mentioned it to me later) and they had girls that could not do the proper moves (due to be overweight).
Well after that performance, it lightninged so they told us to take shelter. A bunch of ppl left, but a bunch stayed. The ppl a couple of rows behind us stayed. They were wearing Cavalier shirts (the organization that puts the show on and they have a Drum Corps as well), so Dylan and I started talking to them. They told us that as the competition goes on the groups get better and of course the Cavaliers were amazing to watch. Dylan & I got really excited about seeing these guys (all guys and 151 we learned later) perform. A few minutes passed and more lightening. They told us we all had to evacuate to shelter. I texted my friend and asked him to pray that it wouldn't rain where I was.
While we were hanging out waiting for the weather to pass over, Dylan and I got a chance to talk to some of the Cavalier guys and of course that just excited us even more about watching them play. About 40 minutes after we were evacuated it started raining and after about 20 minutes of rain they cancelled the show.
So now Dylan and I had to walk over 7 blocks in the rain with no umbrella, coat or anything, after seeing only two acts and being pumped up about seeing the rest. Neither one of us was very happy.
I know that God is good and that things happen for a reason, but sometimes, make that most of the time, I just don't get it. And the bigger problem isn't that I don't get it, but that I don't know how to handle it. God knew that when those tickets were given to us, it was going to rain and be cancelled. The Bible tells us that every good and perfect gift comes from God. So why did He even give us those tickets to begin with. I struggle with the notion that God is loving and kind and yet it appears that He gave me something good and then it was yanked from me. Either by His doing or His allowing. I feel like He set me up for disappointment. But y? Dylan was so heartbroken that he didn't get to see the rest of the show and quite frankly so was I. I don't even know how to explain it properly. I'm angry that Dylan and I were given what seemed like a blessing, but yet now seems like a bad thing. I just don't get it.
So on to today...
We have been looking forward to this for awhile now, not even knowing what it really was. We got there and there were ppl everywhere. You could only park on one side of the street and there were cars galore. I didn't realize it is as big as is it. We had to park at least 7 blocks from the event. It was a nice outside though and Dylan and I enjoyed our walk. We managed to find our way to the event by follow the flow of traffic. I had an extra seat and so I gave it to the ticket people to sell if they could since we didn't need it. It appeared to me that a gentleman in line bought that ticket. A few minutes after we sat down, there was a situation where some people didn't have there seats because a couple was not were they belonged. At one point, they attempted to sit in the one seat that was next to me. I told them that someone was sitting there. They went to look for somewhere else to sit. That gentleman never came, so I think maybe he bought a different ticket. But what a Godsend that was.
A few minutes later they announced that there was a storm coming through and we would move to the shelters till it brushed over and then resume. I prayed that the storm would go around us and that ppl would know that it was God's doing. The first act went and they were pretty good. After they were down, the gentleman announced that the storm may just skip us. I told Dylan that I had prayed that the storm would go around us. The next act went and they were HORRIBLE and that's being nice. My biggest complaints about them were that during one of their songs the girls in the flag corps were doing sexual moves (even my son mentioned it to me later) and they had girls that could not do the proper moves (due to be overweight).
Well after that performance, it lightninged so they told us to take shelter. A bunch of ppl left, but a bunch stayed. The ppl a couple of rows behind us stayed. They were wearing Cavalier shirts (the organization that puts the show on and they have a Drum Corps as well), so Dylan and I started talking to them. They told us that as the competition goes on the groups get better and of course the Cavaliers were amazing to watch. Dylan & I got really excited about seeing these guys (all guys and 151 we learned later) perform. A few minutes passed and more lightening. They told us we all had to evacuate to shelter. I texted my friend and asked him to pray that it wouldn't rain where I was.
While we were hanging out waiting for the weather to pass over, Dylan and I got a chance to talk to some of the Cavalier guys and of course that just excited us even more about watching them play. About 40 minutes after we were evacuated it started raining and after about 20 minutes of rain they cancelled the show.
So now Dylan and I had to walk over 7 blocks in the rain with no umbrella, coat or anything, after seeing only two acts and being pumped up about seeing the rest. Neither one of us was very happy.
I know that God is good and that things happen for a reason, but sometimes, make that most of the time, I just don't get it. And the bigger problem isn't that I don't get it, but that I don't know how to handle it. God knew that when those tickets were given to us, it was going to rain and be cancelled. The Bible tells us that every good and perfect gift comes from God. So why did He even give us those tickets to begin with. I struggle with the notion that God is loving and kind and yet it appears that He gave me something good and then it was yanked from me. Either by His doing or His allowing. I feel like He set me up for disappointment. But y? Dylan was so heartbroken that he didn't get to see the rest of the show and quite frankly so was I. I don't even know how to explain it properly. I'm angry that Dylan and I were given what seemed like a blessing, but yet now seems like a bad thing. I just don't get it.
Monday, June 22, 2009
Once Again
Well, God's done it again. Yesterday was Father's Day. I was driving out to my grandparents house to visit them for a little while and give my grandfather a card. On the way, I decided to focus on the best Dad in the universe, Abba Father. I had turned on the radio to focus on the music playing and spend a few moments with Him. A few minutes after I started listening, He did it again. He turned the tables on me. The first song that played was "More Beautiful You"
Little girl fourteen flipping through a magazine
Says she wants to look that way
But her hair isn't straight her body isn't fake
And she's always felt overweight
Well little girl fourteen I wish that you could see
That beauty is within your heart
And you were made with such care your skin your body and your hair
Are perfect just the way they are
There could never be a more beautiful you
Don't buy the lies disguises and hoops they make you jump through
You were made to fill a purpose that only you could do
So there could never be a more beautiful you
Little girl twenty-one the things that you've already done
Anything to get ahead And you say you've got a man but he's got another plan
Only wants what you will do instead
Well little girl twenty-one you never thought that this would come
You starve yourself to play the part
But I can promise you there's a man whose love is true
And he'll treat you like the jewel you are
So turn around you're not too far
To back away be who you are
To change your path go another way
It's not too late you can be saved
If you feel depressed with past regrets
The shameful nights hope to forget
Can disappear they can all be washed away
By the one who's strong can right your wrongs
Can rid your fears dry all your tears
And change the way you look at this big world
He will take your dark distorted view
And with His light He will show you truth
And again you'll see through the eyes of a little girl
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Learning
God did a wonderful work in my at the end of May. But there is much more work to be done, so I'm embarking on a journey to growing closer to God and to my son. I've been on this journey for a few days now. Tonight, my son is gone to grandma's and so it's just me and God. I have given up the things that seem to satisfy me on this quest to know God more. I say seem because I know that they don't truly; only God can do that. However, there are times when I have craved or desired things of this world more than God and I know it's because of where my heart is. The only way to change that is to seek after Him and that's exactly what I am doing. So tonight, I was feeling a bit empty/lonely/unsatisfied. This was in part due to the fact that I haven't been able to have the things that usually "satisfy" the most. As I laid on my bed thinking about all this, I gained a revelation of what it means to run to Him when you are empty. I couldn't go to the things I normally would go to. I had to not only go to Him and trust Him to fill me. I know in my head that God is greater than anything I could experience on earth. I know that the word says that only He can satisfy our souls. It's been a matter of hungry, desperation, and trust for me to get to the point that I truly learn what that means.
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